They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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