Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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