He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
