some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
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