I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
