Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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