I CAN MOONWALK!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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