You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
