do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
