3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
