One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
