I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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