bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
