I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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