Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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