His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize