My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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