Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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