Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
