Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the condom got lost in my hair
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
