Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
