Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
