my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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