I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
