How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
