he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
