So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
