So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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