Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drake has all the answers
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize