i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
