"it" just moved
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
