my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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