That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
