take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
