remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
