I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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