She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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