did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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