My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
