so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
