Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
