i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
