I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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