If that was your dad, he is hot
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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