my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
