There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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