Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
