just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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