So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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