i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm both gender and math confused
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
