How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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