I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
