please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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