I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
