Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
