we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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