I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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