So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
