trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
