I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
