Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
