god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
