HIV tests are more positive than that guy
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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