normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
